Words That We Couldn't Say
by Minako Nine
Summary: 3+4 songfic. POV is up to you. Song is 'Words That We Couldn't Say' from Cowboy Bebop.


3+4 songfic. POV - You decide. Disclaimer - Don't own 'em, song is from Cowboy Bebop.  
  
Words That We Couldn't Say  
  
We couldn't say them So now we just pray them Words that we couldn't say  
  
It was so dark that night, and I wasn't really sure what I was doing. I just sat there, watching the night sky, as if it held some interest to me. It didn't, you know, but still, I felt I had to watch. To see exactly what the attraction was. It's a nice way for me to collect my thoughts, I'll agree to that. But this is more like one of those things you do just to be close to someone. When you know that you're doing something you know fits into the routine of someone else. I've done it for a while now, looking for something in that night sky. Perhaps I was hoping that at the same time, no matter how far away, I'm being close to someone special. I never understood what interest the stars and the moon could hold to anyone. The stars are simply distant suns, and the moon a satellite that orbits our fair planet. There is no mystery to these things now, it's all science to me. Like I said, I'm only doing it to be close to someone far away.  
  
Funny ain't it Games people play Scratch it paint it One in the same We couldn't find them So we tried to hide them Words that we couldn't say  
  
You know, I've always thought it funny how I'm doing this for no reason of my own other than to be closer to someone, and I don't even know their reasons. Some people might call me crazy, some might call it slightly obsessive behaviour. But anyone who really knows what I feel like would say that it's love. It seems so obvious to me, that I'm in love. And yet, if I tell anyone, they look at me oddly, and tell me it's just a crush or something. But they don't understand. I KNOW I'm in love. People can't tell you these things, you know for yourself. I don't think I believed in soul-mates before, but now I feel certain. I think I've found the one. I'm pretty sure, however, that you can be wrong about that. People say the person they marry is the one. A few months later they're getting a divorce and remarrying. 'No, this one is The One!' they'll tell you. But then those kinds of people are the ones who live on a romantic ideal. Not me though. I don't believe in that sort of thing. Or rather I didn't. Now I'm sure, that I've found what I've always been looking for without realizing. Have you ever had the feeling that something is missing? As in the truest sense of it? Like you're looking to your side, but there's no one there. Like there's something you can't quite place your finger on, but you'll be sure of when you find it. I've always felt empty in my life, but that all seemed to change so suddenly. Wars do odd things to you, I'm sure. People sometimes say that had the circumstances been different, they'd probably never have met. But that's not me. I'm sure we would have crossed paths sooner or later. I'm glad it was sooner. Being empty has an awful lot of downsides. But, that doesn't matter to me. I met The One, the one I've been looking for all the time. And I made a vow to protect that person, a vow to myself. I've certainly broken that vow a few times now.  
  
It hurts don't it Fools on parade Taint it own it Chase it away We couldn't make them So we had to break them Words that we couldn't say  
  
Well you probably think I'm crazy by now. Who believes in True Love anymore? It's all about timing, circumstance, who is better suited to who. Well, before I would have whole-heartedly agreed. Now I say to hell with sceptics. We're about as different as they come. But then, I suppose we might compliment each other perfectly, our strengths, our weaknesses. I have so many weaknesses, that I don't feel like going through them all. How I can stand them all is beyond me. And how I can be accepted by my view of perfection is past the furthest star. Stars again, huh? I guess maybe staring at the sky almost every night has started to affect my logic. But then, this sky defies logic. Think about it. The sky is full of stars, and each star is a far off sun, with the power to give life and death to other planets. But it is the Moon that lights up the sky, small and unassuming, but seen in it's true way, brighter than anything else. I suppose that's how my One is. Seems so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but for someone, is the light in the darkness. The hope in the face of despair. Maybe that's how I've managed to survive so long after the war, thinking about who it might affect, and how. I wouldn't want to hurt someone special. But, I've done that too many times. When I've lost sight of that hope, I've hurt so many people. But we all makes mistakes, don't we?  
  
Sometimes baby We make mistakes Dark and hazy Prices we pay I sit here on my shelf Just talking to myself Words that we couldn't say  
  
I must have the best sense of irony though. Everyone else can clearly see what I feel, but it seems like my One can't. I can't say how I feel, I'm to afraid of being rejected. Ha. Would you ever see me as afraid? Maybe not. But then, you don't know me. I feel like I've been rejected all my life. Now that I have something, anything, with the one I need most, I don't want to lose that. I want to keep things how they are, just so I can see my One. It's selfish, I know. But I don't really care what anyone else thinks, as I already mentioned. But it might be better to just come out and say it. For all I know, my feelings may be returned. That would be the happiest day of my life. I would be happy enough to die right then and there, as long as I knew that someone had loved me, the one I wanted to. Unfortunately, I am not exactly the best at reiterating these thoughts. So, until I have the courage to step up and say how I feel, I'll be stuck thinking about my One from afar, watching the stars in hope or vain.  
  
Someday maybe We'll make it right Until that day Long endless nights We couldn't say them So now we just pray them Words that we couldn't say  
  
You know, I can't even say it to myself. I never could. Not in my mind, not out loud alone, not on paper, nowhere. I can see everyone else knows without me having said a word. But I don't know if my One doesn't. My Perfect One, who might know, but wouldn't say anything, in case I didn't want to. Isn't that kind? Or maybe it's out of fear. But in any case I can't say how I feel, those exact words people say when they're in love. I can wander around in a circle and explain, but I can't just say it. Maybe, then, what I'll do is finish that letter I've been writing. I write letters a lot, and I email them. I like to get replies. My letters are always short, but I know exactly what to say now. Meet me here, at this time, please?  
  
We couldn't say them So now we just pray them Words that we couldn't say  
  
Here I am, and we met, and we talked. And I'm about to let my chance slip by as we say our goodbyes. But then, could I go in a roundabout route to explain this? We're about to say goodbye. I don't think I have the time.  
  
Someday maybe We'll make it right  
  
And now, here I am, just standing here, about to let my One pass me by, again. How many times have I called up the courage to meet him? Every time we meet, we talk, catch up, and say goodbye. I always seem somewhat. dissatisfied at my own failure. Annoyed at my own cowardice. And he always seems disappointed, like he was expecting me to do something different.  
  
Until that day Long endless nights  
  
And now, here it is, my last chance about to slip through my fingers like grains of sand. But how many times have I had this chance? It seems like every time we meet, every time we say our goodbyes, more of the sand passes through my hands. And now, there's those few grains that won't give up, the stubborn ones. That's all that's left. If I let him go now. it will be forever. We'll never see each other again. And now I know. I can't let that happen.  
  
We couldn't say them  
  
He's leaving now, walking away. If I look closely, I'm sure he's crying. Over me? Before I know what I'm doing I'm running after him, crying out to him. He keeps walking, like he knows I see him crying. Did I cause this? Did I do this with my inadequacy? I don't want to hurt anyone again. I've done too much already. but perhaps. I can change all that, if I tell, for once, the truth. If I say the words I need to.  
  
So now we just pray them  
  
"Wait!" For some reason, it seemed like my voice called over the crowds, like for this one moment it was just us. No one else mattered, nothing else, just us. And he stops. "I love you, did you know? I love you and you can't love me. It's not your fault you know, it's mine. How could I ever believe you'd see anything in me?" It's strange, really, how two people can think so alike in situations like this. Because he's just said what I would have. But he thinks I don't love him! That's not true, I do! My mind is screaming at me 'Say something or run! Make up your mind!' I'm standing here trying to decide what to do. I have to say. do. something, but what? How exactly can I explain what I can't put into words? And before I know it, I'm kissing him. Nothing passionate, just my way of saying what I can't put into words. I know he'll understand, he always has. I stop, and look, and then I see it. I see the most beautiful smile I've ever seen, and it's for me. Now I can say those all important words. "I Love You"  
  
Words that we couldn't say. 


End file.
